


When my time comes

by Themooncat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Songfic but not really, it was inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 02:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13988226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themooncat/pseuds/Themooncat
Summary: "If I were to leave this earth, no one would bat an eye."





	When my time comes

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this isn't great. I am new to writing fanfiction (more like stories in general) so it might not flow that well but I tried. Hope you enjoy the fic!

Rain was pounding down on Kuroo. His whole body was drenched. How long had he been out there? His voice was hoarse as he asked the last of their neighbors in their cul de sac if they'd seen his fiancé. Only to be answered with a shake of their head.

 

He had already checked all the places his fiancé could have been, asked all their friends and old schoolmates, but had no luck. He had filed a missing persons report earlier that evening, once it had been 24 hours. No one knew where he was, all of them saying “he probably just needed some space, he’ll be back”. But this was the first Tsukishima had ever left without an explanation. He always told him where and when he was leaving even if they were arguing.

 

He had left Tsukishima at the house to get take out for dinner and even stopped by to get strawberry shortcake, Tsuki’s favourite, but when he got back Tsukishima was nowhere to be found. His stuff, including his phone, was still in the house so Kuroo knew he’d be back. Thought he’d be back.

 

He didn't eat that night. He hadn't eaten during the day when he was searching. He didn't feel hungry. Just worried.

 

He went back to their house, looked through every room for the nth time. Searched every small space and dark area in their house for any clue to where his love had gone. He turned their whole house upside down finding nothing, nothing except a picture Tsukishima had kept hidden in his journal. The picture was of a younger Kuroo, when he was 17 and his love, his Kei, when he was 15, both from the waist up. Their faces filled with pure joy. It was when Kuroo had asked Kei to be his boyfriend, during a training camp, and he had agreed. Kuroo was so happy he hugged Tsukishima, but instead of pushing Kuroo away, the blond had laughed and slung his arms around Kuroo. Akaashi managed to capture the moment as Bokuto was busy celebrating. His eyes teared up, Tsukishima had kept the photo all this time, their first photo together as a couple.

 

He took the picture with him as he crawled into their bed. It was 3:40 am now. 33 hours since he had last seen Tsukishima. He felt like he had let Tsukishima down. He smiled sadly as he caressed Tsukishima’s face in the photo, promising he’ll do whatever it takes to find him.

 

Kuroo didn't sleep that night. Or the next night, or the one after that, until a week had finally passed. He’d fall asleep at times, after a long day of searching, but would jump awake shortly after. Thinking he’d heard their door open, or his phone chime with news about his fiancé or thought he heard Kei’s voice calling out to him. Only to be greeted with nothing. A week turned into two weeks, two turned to three until months had passed. It was a year. Kuroo looked a wreck. He had lost a lot of weight, his skin lost some of his colour, his eyes were sunken in with big dark circles under his eyes. His iconic bed head was now flat. He was walking around in front of Tsukishima’s workplace, holding pictures of the blond, asking people if they had seen his fiancé. Nothing.

 

It was now 2am, Kuroo was in their bed. Looking through his email and social media seeing if Tsukishima had been online or read any of his messages. He then checked if any of their friends had any info on Tsukishima’s whereabouts. They didn’t. In fact they stopped searching a while back. Kuroo put his laptop aside, sat back up in bed and pulled out a box. It had all the photos of him and Tsukishima. From when they first met, to when Kuroo had sneakily taken a photo of Tsukishima sleeping peacefully the morning of his disappearance. He picked them up, looking through each of them carefully. Taking in all the details of Tsukishima in each photo, his soft lips, big golden eyes and smooth pale skin to the soft curls at the end of his hair. His vision blurred as tears fell onto his hands and the photos. He tried his hardest to wipe his eyes and clear his vision so he could look at the photos but he couldn't. The tears kept on coming. His chest felt tighter, his throat closing up, he had trouble breathing. Kuroo couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to see his love. Wanted to touch him. Tell him that he loved him one more time. But…. How can he? He didn't know where he was. Didn't know if he was still alive.

 

He screamed. More tears fell, he still couldn't breathe properly, his voice was getting hoarse. But he didn't care, he screamed Kei’s name over and over. As if shouting his name loud enough would bring him back.

_“KEEEEEEEI!!”_

 

\--

 

***GASP***

 

Tsukishima shot up from the bed. His eyes wide, his breathing labored. He was covered in sweat. He put a hand to his chest to try to calm his rapidly beating heart. He then felt something stir beside him and looked down to see Kuroo adjusting in his sleep, face down and his head between two pillows. He tentatively reached out his hand and carded it through Kuroo's hair. Feeling the smooth locks slide through his fingers calmed him down a bit. The gold band on his ring finger standing out against the black hair they were running through. His heart clenched as memories from the dream started coming back to him. It had been a while since he had slept through the dream that long.

 

 _It was just a dream. Just a dre-…. no. It was a nightmare._ _How many times have I had that now? Was this the sixth? Or the seventh?_

 

Tsukishima stopped stroking Kuroo’s hair and slowly got out of bed. Got his journal and a pen in his bedside drawer and walked to their spare room down the hall. It was quite bright in there, the room had wall length windows allowing the moon, stars and street lights to illuminate the room. He sat on the couch with his legs draped across. Took a couple of deep breaths, looking at the view for a couple of minutes. He opened his journal and started writing an entry.

 

_August 12 20XX_

_I had that dream again. When I first got them I thought it was just due to the nerves of actually being engaged. But now I'm starting to think it's trying to tell me something. I've never had the same dream before, let alone have it repeat 6-7 times. And they're exactly the same. Maybe I'm just looking too far into it. Am I going mad?_

 

Tsukishima paused his writing. Looked back at his past entries. The entries on when he had the dreams. He started with the first time he had the dream.

 

_July 16 20XX_

_I dreamed I was missing. Kuroo was so scared. There was no explanation for my disappearance. None of our friends, neighbors or even the police seemed to care._  

 _He didn't give up. But it broke him._  

_I didn't tell Kuroo about it. It was just a dream._

 

Some of the journals after talked about the same dream with the same events except shorter as some days he woke up earlier, unable to watch Kuroo fall apart because of him. His hand was shaking. He sighed and shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. He turned to the back of the journal where he kept the photo of him and Kuroo. (Yes, the same one from the dream). It was unnerving how close to reality the nightmare was. He tried to recall the dream. Knowing that it would make him cry but he had to try to understand it. He picked up the pen and started writing his theories.

 

_Was the important part the reason why I disappeared? Or… Or was it our friends’ reaction to my disappearance? That was it, wasn't it? They didn't care. They just thought I was in one of my “moods”. But Kuroo knew it wasn't._

 

Tsukishima already knew that Kuroo understood him best. People would think that Yamaguchi would understand Tsukishima after being long time friends with him, but he didn't. He was just a great friend that accepted him. Kuroo, on the other hand, read him like a book. It annoyed him when they first met, that a man he barely knew knew how to break down his walls. He wanted to laugh at the memory but couldn't bring himself to.

 

A broken gasp escaped his mouth when he felt a drop of water fall onto the photo. He hadn't realised he was crying. He inserted the photo on his recent entry and put the book aside. He brought a hand up to his eyes to wipe the tears that were running down his face. His sniffles were soft but loud in his ears. He didn't hear a door down the hall slam open or the frantic call of his name. He was startled when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and was pulled up into Kuroo’s arms, bridal style. Kuroo jumped onto the couch, with Tsukishima between his legs. Cradling the crying man.

 

“Where were you?!” Kuroo whispered harshly. “You scared the shit out of me! I woke up and…. And you weren't there. I-”

 

Tsukishima looked back at Kuroo. He was crying too. Tsukishima shifted in the hold so that he could wipe Kuroo’s face. “Come here. I'm sorry. I had a nightmare and I- I just needed to calm down. I'm ok, though. I won't leave you. Ever.”

 

Kuroo took one of Tsukishima’s hands, intertwining their fingers and holding it tight, as if Tsukishima would disappear if he didn't. “You had a nightmare too?” He brought his free hand up and cradled Tsukishima’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “You can always wake me up if you can't sleep. I'll take care of you, you know?”

 

“I know. You always do. I love you for that. I just- I just needed a breather. The dream rattled me. I've been having the same nightmare for around a month now. And it made me realize how bad of a person I am.”

 

Kuroo’s arms wrapped around him tighter, bring his body closer so he could rest his chin on Tsukishima’s head. “Hey, hey, no. Don't say that. You are an amazing person. Why would you say that?”

 

Tsukishima couldn't bring himself to tell Kuroo so asked, “What was your nightmare about?” Kuroo knew he was changing the subject, but he also knew that Tsukishima would tell him eventually.

 

“It was-.... You were- you were missing. I- I was getting take out and when I came back, you were gone. No one broke in, you left everything but nothing that told me where you went. No one knew where you were. And I didn't give up but nothing lead me to you. I even went around Japan but there was still no sign of you. You were gone for a year and I was so broken. I-” Kuroo let out a shuddering breath. Tears hit Tsukishima’s head and he turned around. Straddling Kuroo's lap, he hugged him. Stroking his head trying to calm him down. “I don't ever want to lose you. Not even- not even in a dream.” Kuroo mumbled, head between Tsukishima’s neck and shoulder.

 

Tsukishima pulled back a bit to kiss Kuroo on the lips. A soft but hard kiss. He laughed, an empty laugh. “Who would have thought that we’d have the same nightmare?” Tsukishima reached behind him for his journal and handed it to Kuroo, shuffling back to sit on the other end of the couch.

Kuroo opened the journal. Looked through the previous journals stopping when he found the ones about the dream. He looked back at Tsukishima after reading them. “They care.” He said, lifting Tsukishima's chin up with his hand so that the blond was looking at him. “That dream is wrong. They will care if you are no longer around, not that I'll ever let you disappear.”

 

Tsukishima smiled sadly. “Really? If I were to leave this earth, no one would bat an eye…. Why would they? I’m reticent, snarky and sarcastic. No one would miss me much, yeah they'll be sad for a while but they'll get over it. And y- you’ll find someone better.” His voice trailed off as he remembered that he had promised himself that he would change after he met Kuroo. He wanted to be more affectionate and be a normal boyfriend to him. He didn't change. He had times when he would look at the ring on his finger and ask himself. _Do I really deserve Kuroo? What if he regrets his decision?_ He saw Kuroo was going to say something but he held up his hand. He needed to get this out. “It made me think about what I would be leaving when I'm done here. You are an amazing person, you're fun, people love you and I wish I was like you, but I'm not. So when my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don't resent me and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory. Leave out all the rest. Just-” He choked on a sob. Kuroo slowly pulled Tsukishima back into his arms. Stroking his shoulders letting the blond let out all his fears and regrets.

 

“You’ve never been perfect, but guess what? Neither am I. All our friends love you. Yamaguchi, Akaashi, Bokuto, everyone you've ever met loves you just the way you are. Don't wish you were someone else. I fell in love with you. You're strong on the surface when underneath you're not, I admire that. Forget all the hurt inside that you've learned to hide so well, stop pretending that someone else can save you from yourself. Only you can do that and I'm here to help you through it. Through good and bad I'll be here for you. Don't say I'll find someone better, I won't. You're the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Don't think I want you to be like all those other ‘ _normal couples_ ’ if I wanted that I would have chose someone else.. Look at me.” Kuroo didn't continue until he was sure Tsukishima was looking in his eyes “I chose you. I. LOVE. YOU. Not anyone else, you.”

 

Tsukishima cried harder, but made no sound. Kuroo hugged him close. He let Tsukishima calm down a bit then carried him back to their bedroom. Kuroo laid him down and snuggled up next to him. Kei shuffled back a bit to rest his head on Kuroo’s chest.

“I love you” Tsukishima said as Kuroo ran a hand through Tsukishima’s hair. Kuroo leaned down and kissed his head with a muffled “I love you”. Neither of them said anything after. Tsukishima was happy for the silence, he couldn't believe that he had let a dream make him feel so insecure about himself. Though the dream did help Tsukishima know just how much he was loved by Kuroo. He snuggled into Kuroo, who was nodding off already, and closed his eyes. They fell asleep in each other's arms.

 

The dream never returned.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the song that i based this fic on is Linkin Parks "Leave out all the rest"  
> I heard it on the radio recently and wanted to write a fic based on the song.  
>   
> If you wanna chat about KuroTsuki, IwaOi, Ushiten (or haikyuu in general) or want any updates on my fics feel free to talk to me on Tumblr:  
> lucymt-art.tumblr.com


End file.
